


Intertwined

by enigmaticblue



Series: Ghosts from the Past [2]
Category: NCIS, Stargate Atlantis, Stargate SG-1
Genre: Angst and Feels, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Forbidden Love, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-01
Updated: 2016-07-01
Packaged: 2018-07-19 11:52:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 17,956
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7360333
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/enigmaticblue/pseuds/enigmaticblue
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It’s not going anywhere; they both know that. Somehow, they can’t help themselves.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Intertwined

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Round 7 of hc_bingo, for the prompt "forbidden love"

John holds the phone to his ear and takes a deep breath as he hears Tony’s voice. “DiNozzo.”

 

“Hey,” he says, pleased to hear a friendly voice. “How’s it going?”

 

“Just wrapping up,” Tony replies. “Are we still on for dinner?”

 

“Yeah,” John replies. “Dinner sounds great.”

 

“You okay? You sound rough.”

 

John rubs his eye. “I’m tired, that’s all. Hungry.”

 

“You eat lunch?” Tony asks.

 

“You sound like an Italian mama,” John accuses.

 

Tony laughs. “That would be because I am Italian, but you know full well I’m no mama.”

 

John feels desire pool low in his belly and wills it away. “I’m aware.”

 

“See you soon,” Tony promises warmly. “Hang in there, John.”

 

“Colonel Sheppard?” the aide asks as soon as he hangs up the phone. “They’re ready for you again.”

 

John blows out a breath and steps back into the hearing chamber. It’s one of the smaller ones, and the security is tight. No one wants to risk a leak, and John braces himself for another two hours of the same questions, asked over and over again.

 

“And you don’t think we’d be better served keeping Atlantis on Earth?” Senator McComb asks.

 

John maintains his neutral expression. “I believe Earth would be better served by sending Atlantis back to the Pegasus galaxy to tie up the Wraith there.”

 

“You’ve been out there for five years, Colonel, without much of a break,” Senator Cramer says, her tone sympathetic. “The logistics make it difficult to routinely rotate people in and out of Atlantis, which means that long tours are necessary. Realistically, you won’t even be the one to lead the expedition back.”

 

John frowns. “With all due respect, Senator, that’s a decision for my commanding officer, and my gene would be wasted just about anywhere else.”

 

“If Atlantis stays on Earth, that won’t be a problem,” Senator McComb replies.

 

John holds onto his temper by his fingernails. “That’s not going to be my call, Senator.”

 

“We’re asking about the strategic importance of Atlantis,” Senator McComb snaps. “And whether we’d be best served by declassifying portions of the Stargate program.”

 

John sighs. “Senator, I thought I was here to testify as to our mission in Pegasus, and the Wraith. I don’t know whether declassification is the best route.”

 

“Let’s start over.” Cramer seems intent on playing peacemaker, but John knows there are sharp claws under the velvet gloves. “I’d like to know a little more about the casualties you had while on Atlantis. The list seems quite long, Colonel.”

 

He’d expected questions on this front, and he takes a deep breath. “Of course. Where would you like to start?”

 

“Colonel Marshall Sumner,” Cramer says, which just proves that his impression is correct. “You were the one who killed him, correct?”

 

John had gone over this multiple times the first time he’d returned to Earth after a year on Atlantis, but with the people at the SGC. He’d been warned that the committee would want to retread old ground.

 

He remembers every death, every name and the circumstances around it. The faces haunt him most nights, and while there are things and people he would like to forget, it’s impossible.

 

The questions, pointed and impatient, poke at old wounds, things that John would have rather left buried.

 

John feels raw, flayed open, by the time five o’clock rolls around, and he’s grateful that they’re recessed until Monday. He’s got three days with Tony, including the team dinner tonight, and it’s the break he needs.

 

He tucks his cover under his arm and heads out, ignoring everything but the need to get away. John puts it on once he’s outside and descends the steps, anxious to get as much distance as possible from that clusterfuck of a hearing.

 

“Sheppard!” someone calls from behind him. “Sheppard!”

 

He pauses, recognizing the voice—and the command in it. “General O’Neill. It’s good to see you again, sir.”

 

“I apologize for the questions,” O’Neill replies. “The senators are concerned about what kind of information will become public if we went through with declassification.”

 

John nods shortly. “Of course, sir.”

 

“Still, you handled yourself well,” O’Neill says. “You realize that if they go through with declassification, they’re going to need heroes. The commander of Atlantis will be a prime candidate.”

 

John’s expression must give him away, because O’Neill laughs. “Yeah, I thought that’s what you would say. Nevertheless, that’s the likely path. You’ll be under a great deal of scrutiny, Sheppard.”

 

“I can take it,” John says, although he’s not entirely sure that he can, particularly if he becomes a target, and the media looks too closely at his relationship with Tony, for example. Or his past relationship with Nancy, or his breach with his father and brother.

 

As an intensely private individual, there are many things he would rather not be up for public consumption.

 

“Oh, I’m sure they’ll scrub your record as much as possible before making you the poster boy, if that’s what it comes down to,” O’Neill says, hands in his pockets, rocking back on his heels. “You want to go out for a drink?”

 

John hesitates. “I, uh, I would, sir, but I have other plans. I ran into an old friend, and he works for NCIS. I’m going out to dinner with him and his team tonight.”

 

“Well, that should keep you out of trouble,” O’Neill responds cryptically. “Next week, maybe.”

 

“I’d appreciate that, sir,” John replies. “I think I’m going to need the drink.”

 

O’Neill nods. “Have a good weekend, Colonel. Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.”

 

John blinks. “I’ve heard the rumors, sir. That doesn’t leave much out.”

 

“But I’ve never been caught,” O’Neill replies with a smirk. “So just keep that in mind.”

 

John has always been careful about what he’d let his commanding officers know—or not, as the case may be—and his discretion has been rewarded so far. Still, there’s something in the set of O’Neill’s shoulders, and in his voice that tells John he needs to be especially cautious. O’Neill isn’t the sort to start a witch-hunt, but this is D.C., and it’s probably wise to assume there are eyes on him at all times, whether he sees them or not.

 

Tony’s waiting a few blocks away, and John climbs into the passenger seat. “You didn’t have to pick me up.”

 

“It saves time,” Tony replies. “Besides, this way you limit the number of people who see you traveling to and from my place.”

 

By mutual accord, John left enough civvies at Tony’s place to last a weekend, and he’s already promised that he’d go shopping.

 

“Fair,” John agrees, and figures that it’s not out of the ordinary to have a friend pick him up, or to want to get away for a three-day weekend, particularly when his team isn’t in town yet.

 

“For the record, I may ask you to wear that uniform at some point, and I’ll promise not to mess it up,” Tony says.

 

John barks out a laugh. “Yeah, well, I just got a friendly warning from my favorite general. If things go a certain way, I’ll probably be the Air Force poster boy for the very classified program I’m currently in.”

 

“All the better to pry into your personal life, right?” Tony says, making a joke out of it. “If you’re worried, keep in mind that I’m a federal agent with a well established reputation as an inveterate ladies’ man. Just ask any of my coworkers at dinner tonight.”

 

John glances at him. “You’ve always been a ladies’ man.”

 

“And that means no one ever thinks I might bat for the other team,” Tony points out. “Hell, John, you were married at one point. I’m assuming your ex can’t or won’t out you.”

 

John shrugs. “No, we broke up for reasons completely unrelated to my sexual preferences. I was in the field more than I was with her. Our days were numbered from the beginning.”

 

“Lucky for you, or maybe not so lucky, but I’ve got a similarly demanding job,” Tony replies. “You still okay with going out tonight?”

 

John nods. “Yeah, I’d like the break, and I want to meet the people who are important to you.”

 

Tony pauses. “They’re my family, and they’ll keep our secrets. I’m not saying we tell them anything, but we don’t have to worry about them spilling the beans.”

 

John glances at him. “Or letting the cat out of the bag?”

 

“That too.” Tony rests a hand on his leg. “I’ve got your back, John. Always.”

 

John covers Tony’s hand with his own and intertwines their fingers. “Thanks.”

 

~~~~~

 

Tony’s a little disappointed when John changes out of his dress uniform, since he’d looked so damn good in it, but his ass looks pretty great in jeans, too. Besides, they’re a little less conspicuous this way.

 

“Were the meetings really stupid?” Tony asks sympathetically.

 

John huffs out a laugh. “Abysmally.”

 

“Let me guess, they asked you a bunch of questions you couldn’t answer, that had nothing to do with what you were actually there to discuss, and left you feeling like total shit,” Tony guesses.

 

John frowns at him. “Are you sure you don’t have me bugged?”

 

“Not that I’d tell you if I did, but no,” Tony replies. “You just look like you’ve been dealing with idiots all day.”

 

“You know me too well,” John replies.

 

Tony shrugs. “Nah. You’ve met Gibbs. He has that expression on his face a lot.”

 

John laughs. “I could see that.”

 

“Hey, come here,” Tony says, and he kisses John slow and lazy, mussing his hair and copping a feel. He can feel John relax by inches under his ministrations, and Tony figures that he can at least show John a good time this weekend.

 

Maybe by the time John goes back, he won’t be quite as tense.

 

John makes a wordless sound of protest when Tony breaks off the kiss. “Don’t stop.”

 

“We have dinner plans,” Tony replies. “And I don’t think we have a good excuse to miss it.”

 

John sighs. “You know, I was perfectly satisfied with my right hand for years,” he complains.

 

“And I’m sure we’ll both go right back to being happy with that if you wind up getting sent back to your very remote posting,” Tony replies. “So, let’s just enjoy what we’ve got for the time we have it.”

 

John rests his forehead against Tony’s. “You were always better at that than I was.”

 

“Come on,” Tony says. “You have to be hungry.”

 

“Yeah, I didn’t eat much for lunch,” John admits.

 

“Then let’s get you taken care of,” Tony replies.

 

The truth is, Tony _likes_ taking care of someone else. He’d looked out for John when they were kids, and it’s easy to transfer those same feelings to the present day, particularly when John looks so wrung out.

 

Besides, he gets the feeling that John doesn’t have anybody looking after him, not really. As the highest-ranking officer on a far-flung base, he’s probably busy taking care of everybody else.

 

They head for an Italian place Tony likes that has good food served family style in a casual environment. He called ahead for reservations, and he can see Tim and Ziva are already there, each with a glass of wine in front of them.

 

Tony leads John over and quickly makes the introductions. “John Sheppard, Tim McGee and Ziva David. Tim, Ziva, Lieutenant Colonel John Sheppard, United States Air Force.”

 

“Pleasure to meet you,” Tim says with an outstretched hand. “It’s not every day we get to meet a childhood friend of Tony’s.”

 

“Indeed,” Ziva adds. “I was beginning to think that perhaps no one knew Tony so long ago.”

 

John smiles. “Not _that_ long ago. Tony and I are about the same age.”

 

Ziva grimaces. “Forgive me. I did not mean to imply anything.”

 

Then again, Tony thinks, maybe John will be the one looking after _him_.

 

“No harm, no foul,” John says. “Tony was a real friend to me after my mom died.”

 

Tony hadn’t expected John to play that card, but it’s enough to shut down invasive questions about their shared pasts.

 

“Let’s sit,” Tony says. “Is Gibbs coming?” He already knows that both Abby and Ducky had prior engagements they couldn’t break, but Gibbs had seemed willing to attend.

 

“He said he was when we left the office,” Ziva replies. She glances up. “There he is now.”

 

Gibbs sits down in the empty chair. “Sorry I’m late. Good to see you again, Sheppard.”

 

“Same here,” John replies easily. “Tony said you wrapped up a case.”

 

“Tony always thinks it’s the wife,” Ziva says. “This time, he was wrong.”

 

John shrugs. “Most of the time, someone close to the victim is probably responsible, and that’s usually the spouse.”

 

“The step-daughter was cold,” Tim points out. “I was a little surprised she was willing to kill her step-father and let her step-mother go down for murder.”

 

“What was the motive?” John asks. “Money?”

 

“How did you guess?” Ziva inquires.

 

John shrugs. “Well, it could have been jealousy, but money seems to be a good bet.” John neatly changes the subject. “What’s the weirdest case you’ve ever had?”

 

As a misdirection tactic, it works admirably, because Tim and Ziva try to top each other with weird stories from work. Tony sits back and watches John work the two of them with cleverly timed questions.

 

By the time they finish their meals, no one has gotten anything out of John or Tony, and Gibbs has a smile playing around his mouth. Clearly, he knows what John managed to do, but no one else does.

 

“This was really great,” John says, “but if you guys don’t mind, I think I’m going to call it a night. It’s been a long week for me.”

 

“I’ll get the check,” Gibbs says, motioning to their waitress. “DiNozzo, I think you were driving Sheppard back to his hotel.”

 

Tony takes the out. “Yeah, I was. See you all on Monday.”

 

They’re in his car, driving home, when Tony’s phone rings. “Tell Sheppard that was a masterful job, and if he ever decides to retire from the Air Force, I’d hire him.”

 

Tony laughs. “Thanks, Gibbs.”

 

“You’re both invited for dinner on Sunday,” Gibbs offers. “Let me know.”

 

“Will do,” Tony replies. When he hangs up, he says, “Gibbs made you a job offer.”

 

John smiles. “Just like being on a diplomatic mission. The trick is getting them to talk about themselves so much that they forget you aren’t saying anything at all. It made for a nice change, not talking much. I’ve been talking all week.”

 

“Ziva and McGoo are trained investigators, and they didn’t pick up on the misdirection,” Tony says. “Which I’d give them shit about, except then I’d have to reveal that you played them, and I’d like to see it again.”

 

John leans his head against the window. “I wouldn’t be too hard on them. I’ve faced cagier opponents.”

 

“That doesn’t make me feel better about their skills,” Tony says. “Although I’m feeling pretty good about yours.”

 

John smiles faintly. “I’ve faced worse.”

 

“Ziva is trained Mossad.”

 

“Mossad should work a little harder at training their officers in diplomacy,” John replies. “Maybe on far-flung bases at the ass-end of nowhere.”

 

There’s a hint in there about just what it is that John does, and Tony isn’t so dense he can’t pick up on it. Whatever John does, he has to exercise restraint and diplomacy, get people to talk, and Tony can’t think of a place where that might be true.

 

Which means that John might just be stationed somewhere Tony hasn’t thought of, and he wonders if he’ll ever know.

 

“I don’t think that’s a high priority,” Tony replies, putting the thought aside for now.

 

John looks at him. “I’m no expert, but interrogation tactics should probably include getting people to talk without them knowing what you’re after.”

 

“People generally know when we’re trying to get them to talk, and about what,” Tony replies. “But there are times when them not knowing is handy, particularly when we’re undercover.”

 

“You go undercover a lot?” John asks.

 

Tony shrugs. “Not so much recently. Everybody knows how my last assignment ended, and the current director isn’t inclined to use my services as much as the last one was.”

 

“That a good thing or a bad thing?”

 

“Depends on whether the director decides I’m not what the future of the agency is all about,” Tony says. “He thinks it’s McGee. My skillset is nearly obsolete.”

 

“I don’t buy that,” John replies. “Getting people to talk is a skill all its own.”

 

Tony laughs. “Maybe I should have you talk to the director for me.”

 

“I will if I run into him,” John offers.

 

Tony isn’t used to people running interference for him. Gibbs might, but he wouldn’t tell Tony if he had. “Nah. No sense in you getting involved. But thanks.”

 

“What do you want to do this weekend?” John asks.

 

“If you’re feeling up to it, we could go for a run, maybe play some basketball, watch a movie, I don’t know,” Tony replies. “Whatever you want.”

 

“I’m honestly too tired to think about what I want,” John replies. “Although I’m kind of hoping to share your bed.”

 

“That can definitely be arranged,” Tony replies.

 

John sighs. “We’re not doing ourselves any favors, Tony.”

 

“We’re doing ourselves _every_ favor,” Tony argues. “I think that’s the point.”

 

John is quiet for a long moment. “I’m not used to taking what I want.”

 

Tony hitches a shoulder. “It’s like cheating on your diet. You just have to make sure you don’t get caught.”

 

“You don’t get booted from the Air Force if you cheat on your diet,” John objects.

 

“Well, not if you keep meeting weight requirements,” Tony points out. “You met my friends. They think you’re like one of my frat brothers. Tim and Ziva have no idea I play for the other team on occasion. I have a lot of drinking buddies, and they’re going to assume you’re just like them.”

 

Tony pulls up in front of his building. “It’s probably a bit like that image you like to cultivate.”

 

“What image is that?” John asks.

 

“In your case, flyboy jock who doesn’t have anything going on under the surface,” Tony says, softening the comment with a grin. “It was a good job that they weren’t inclined to ask any questions.”

 

John shrugs. “Not like I could have told them anything anyway.”

 

“Better not to let them ask the questions,” Tony replies. “Because then you’d have to admit there’s something you can’t tell them, and I know Ziva. She’d try to dig.”

 

John grimaces. “And if she did that, her status would be placed in question in very short order. I’m glad I can count on you not to push too hard.”

 

“Oh, I push,” Tony admits readily. “But I trust you, and I wouldn’t do anything to put your career in jeopardy.”

 

“I appreciate that,” John replies. “Although the chances are that if you did push, you’d get orders from on high to cease and desist. I’d be more concerned about your career, to be honest.”

 

Tony grimaces. “That would be another reason not to push, I suppose. Do you have people coming into town?”

 

“In another week or two,” John replies. “McKay will be here next weekend, and Teyla and Ronon will probably be here the week after that.”

 

“You want me to meet them, or should I fade out?” Tony asks.

 

“Hey, no,” John says immediately. “I want you to meet my friends, too. I don’t have much in the way of family these days, Tony. My team is important, and I’d like you to meet them.”

 

Tony frowns as he leads John back up to his apartment. “What about Dave? You haven’t mentioned him, and you were pretty protective of him back in the day.”

 

John grimaces. “I saw him for my father’s funeral, and he basically reminded me that my dad’s will hadn’t been changed, and I was still cut off.”

 

“Cold,” Tony comments. “You loved that kid.”

 

“I left him, and I never really went back,” John admits. “Dave stayed behind, he did what Dad asked of him, and he didn’t want to give that up.”

 

Tony gives him an incredulous look. “Yeah, and I _get_ that, probably better than most. My dad has lost more fortunes than he’s gained. If I had siblings, I could understand them deciding they didn’t want to give up what they could get out of him.”

 

John is silent, and Tony adds, “But you and Dave—you never wanted to leave him alone. You two were close.”

 

“Emphasis on _were_ ,” John says. “I’ve thought about reaching out. Dave has kids now, and I’d kind of like to be an uncle to them, even if it’s tough with me so far away. I just—don’t think he wants me as part of his life.”

 

“Or maybe he’s so used to doing without you that he doesn’t want to take the risk that you’ll be around for a little while and then leave again,” Tony counters. “Humans have a multitude of motives.”

 

“You think I should contact him,” John says flatly.

 

Tony shrugs. “That’s your choice, not mine. It’s what you want, more than anything else.”

 

“I don’t really need him to tell me I’m not welcome again,” John replies.

 

“So, take me with you, and I’ll charm the hell out of him,” Tony suggests. “I’ll remind him of what happened before, what you did for him.”

 

John hesitates. “I’ll think about it.”

 

Tony doesn’t press further. “Just let me know if you want my help.”

 

“Sure thing,” John replies in a tone of voice that indicates he probably won’t ask. “Look, I’m exhausted, but I’m happy to offer a blow job.”

 

“Do you want to suck my dick, or are you offering because you’re not up for fucking?” Tony asks bluntly. “Because if it’s the latter, I can wait until tomorrow morning when you’ve actually had a good night’s sleep.”

 

John blinks. “I just thought—”

 

“I want us both to have a good time, and if you’re tired enough that a good time is going to be sleeping, that’s enough for me,” Tony replies.

 

John lets out a breath. “I wouldn’t mind.”

 

“Not minding and wanting it so bad you can taste it are two different things,” Tony counters.

 

“But if you’re interested—”

 

“I’m interested in sleeping with you, and fucking when we get around to it,” Tony says. “We might be casual, but you’re still my friend. I’m not interested in anything you’re not into 100%.”

 

John still looks surprised, and Tony wonders about his past experiences, but maybe it makes sense. From the little he knows about John’s marriage, it hadn’t exactly been happy, and his experiences with other men had probably been about getting off.

 

John laughs tiredly. “You know, I can’t remember the last time I was in any kind of relationship, casual or otherwise.”

 

“Guys?”

 

John hesitates visibly. “One, but it wasn’t—it was in Afghanistan.”

 

“Yeah, well, I’m mostly in the same boat myself,” Tony replies. “We’ll figure it out together.”

 

“Thanks,” John says quietly.

 

Tony pulls John in for a kiss with a hand to the back of his neck. “No problem.”

 

~~~~~

 

John has only spent a couple of nights with Tony, but he sleeps well in Tony’s bed, which might be a holdover from his childhood. Tony puts off heat like a furnace and sleeps sprawled on his stomach, half-curled around a pillow. When John wakes up, he’s curled up next to Tony, not quite touching, but close enough to feel his warmth.

 

Rodney had given John a hard time about that once, when John had gravitated towards him in their shared tent during an off-world mission. “With your issues, I never took you for a cuddler,” Rodney said acerbically.

 

John had been careful after that, and he’d never really slept well on a mission, too careful not to crowd to really sleep deeply.

 

Tony stirs, rolling towards John, slinging an arm over his waist. “Mmm…you’re awake.”

 

“So are you,” John counters and lets Tony pull him close. “Still interested in that blowjob?”

 

“I think I’d rather you fucked me,” Tony replies. “And I’m going to be way more into it if I haven’t gotten off yet.”

 

John looks at him. “You sure?”

 

“I trust you,” Tony replies. “And yes. Definitely. We’ve got plenty of time.”

 

John feels a little nervous. “It’s—been a while.”

 

He hadn’t been physically up for anything more than hand jobs and a blowjob last weekend.

 

“I’ll drive,” Tony says with a smile. “If you’ll handle prep.”

 

“Happy to,” John replies.

 

Tony straddles him, and John coats his fingers with lube and starts his work, moving slowly and carefully. Tony is the one to roll the condom on, and then he starts fucking himself open.

 

John is actually relieved by that, because Tony can control how fast it goes, and he can make sure he’s not harmed.

 

It’s the first time for him and Tony, because they’d never quite been brave enough as teenagers. Fucking had been out of the question with most of John’s other contacts.

 

And it’s good, more intimate than fumbling in a men’s room at a club, or a secret assignation at a motel, or even a furtive mutual hand job in some deserted corner of the FOB. Tony’s head is thrown back, his eyes closed, and John watches him—the thick muscles of his thighs, the flex of his abs, the solidity of his arms.

 

Then Tony looks down at him, pupils blown wide with lust, and John reaches up, pressing a palm against his face.

 

He’s not sure what emotion is evident in his expression, but Tony’s smile goes soft, and he leans down, catching John’s mouth in a heated kiss. He shifts his hips minutely and gasps against John’s mouth, and in that tight, wet heat, John’s not going to last long.

 

“It’s okay, you can come,” Tony whispers. “I’m right behind you.”

 

John realizes that at this angle, Tony’s able to get the friction he needs on his dick, and John adds another hand, and that’s really all it takes. A couple of pulls, and Tony’s coming all over John’s chest, and then Tony rides John until he’s coming a few moments later.

 

He closes his eyes as Tony rolls off at him, suddenly feeling a little too exposed, a little too raw.

 

“Hey, you okay?” Tony asks.

 

John nods. “Yeah. I’m good.”

 

“You don’t seem good.”

 

“I—I’m okay,” John says. “It’s just—been a long time.”

 

He doesn’t say what it’s been a long time since, but he suspects that Tony would understand. They’d both been out at the same clubs, looking for a little action, for a connection that they hadn’t been able to find anywhere else.

 

“Hey,” Tony says quietly, tilting John’s head toward him, kissing him slowly and tenderly, a reminder of the connection they’d shared.

 

John can’t help but wonder how he’s going to let this go, although he knows it’s inevitable.

 

“Okay?” Tony asks again.

 

John smiles, remembering an exchange he’d had with McKay. “I’m cool.”

 

“So you are,” Tony says. “You want to lay around in bed today, or maybe we can go out? It’s up to you.”

 

“What’s your normal Saturday routine?” John asks idly.

 

Tony hitches a shoulder. “If we don’t have a case, errands, laundry, all the things I couldn’t do during the week. Sometimes I go to the Y for a pickup game of basketball.”

 

“All of that sounds great,” John admits. “I haven’t had anything resembling a normal weekend for years.”

 

“Then let’s clean up, and I’ll proceed to bore you to death.”

 

The thing is, it’s not boring. Tony holds forth on the best pasta sauces at the grocery store, and offers strong opinions on the pasta itself. “Not that I cook much,” he admits. “When it’s just me, there’s no point. Most of the time it’s takeout, or if I can’t face that, I’ll have a bowl of cereal.”

 

John feels a pang at that. Even when he feels like a third wheel with McKay and Keller, John is tight with Ronon, and his relationship with Teyla is back on solid ground. He eats—or has the option to eat—three meals a day with the people he thinks of as family. He doesn’t have to be alone unless he chooses to be, but he’s always been the sort to appreciate solitude.

 

Tony, he knows, is the same way, but his life strikes John as impossibly lonely. He doesn’t think that anyone really gets past Tony’s walls, other than maybe Gibbs, but Gibbs clearly has walls of his own.

 

“You don’t spend a lot of time with anybody at your place,” John observes.

 

Tony goes quiet, and then admits, “No, I don’t usually invite people to stay with me. I have to be ‘on’ all week, and I like to decompress over the weekend.”

 

“Am I an intrusion?” John asks.

 

“Wouldn’t have invited you over if you were,” Tony replies. “There’s a lot about my life that I don’t share with people, you know? I know you aren’t going to use it against me.”

 

“And your team would?” John counters.

 

Tony hesitates. “We all give each other a hard time. We’re investigators, and we spend a lot of time together. None of us has run up against a secret that we haven’t wanted to get to the bottom of.”

 

Tony has always worn masks, even when they were kids, and John wonders if Tony’s teammates have any idea how much he manages to hide on any given day. He throws out bits and pieces that never quite add up to the whole picture, playing tragedy off as jokes, acting the fool so that no one guesses at what’s under the surface.

 

“Do you trust them?” John asks.

 

Tony’s expression darkens. “I do.”

 

And John knows that tone all too well. He trusts McKay with his life, but he hadn’t asked him to go to his father’s funeral, nor had he told McKay about his failed marriage. John can’t exactly say why, just that he hadn’t wanted McKay to have that information.

 

Ronon wasn’t going to use it against him, and John didn’t know that McKay would offer the same courtesy. Teyla would most likely want to talk about it. Ronon just rolled with it.

 

“You want to hit the Y?” Tony asks. “We’ll go easy.”

 

John can’t remember the last time he played basketball, but he’s more than willing to stretch his legs and get some exercise after being stuck inside all week.

 

Most of the courts are in use when they arrive, but Tony sees a guy he knows and calls a greeting. “Hey, Mike!”

 

“Tony!” Mike raises a hand in greeting. “I was wondering if you’d show up today.”

 

Tony shrugs. “I wasn’t sure I would be able to come. This is my buddy, John Sheppard.”

 

“Mike Reilly,” he says, holding out a hand. “Good to meet you. Do you know Tony from work?”

 

John shakes his head. “No, we knew each other back when we were kids. I’ve been stationed overseas for a while.”

 

Mike gives him a quick once-over. “Air Force?”

 

“Got it in one,” John admits.

 

Mike laughs. “With that hair, you’re certainly not a jarhead.”

 

“Mike and I met on one of my cases,” Tony explains. “He was a witness to a robbery back when I was in Baltimore.”

 

“Long time ago,” Mike says. “Come on, I’ll introduce you to the rest of the guys.”

 

“Go easy on John here,” Tony says. “He got mugged last weekend and is still a little sore.”

 

They don’t exchange more than pleasantries with the three other guys who had been shooting hoops with Mike. The addition of Tony and John means they can play three on three, although they stick to a half court.

 

John’s skills are rusty, and basketball had never been his thing, but he finds the few skills he has coming back to him. Running with Ronon and training with Teyla means he’s in peak physical shape, and that serves him well, even after a week of sitting on his ass.

 

Besides, it’s a casual game where no one is keeping score, and the guys rib each other gently about missed shots and fumbled passes.

 

In a word, it’s _normal_ , and it reminds John a bit of being stationed in Afghanistan and other places, where you could spend days waiting for a few hours of combat, or a fraught rescue flight. In those hours of downtime, a lot of guys worked out, or scrounged for sports equipment to pass the time.

 

John tries not to remember those days, but there had been good moments, moments of camaraderie and connection.

 

Here, they knock off after about an hour, and John shakes hands with everybody. “Feel free to join us again if you’re in town,” Mike says. “Maybe you can actually get Tony here to take some downtime.”

 

“If I can,” John promises, and then they head back to Tony’s place.

 

“So, can I ask what you do to stay in shape?” Tony asks. “Or is that also classified?”

 

John grins. “I’ve got a couple of teammates who run circles around me. Teyla could probably even give Ziva a run for her money.”

 

Tony raises an eyebrow. “Badass, huh?”

 

“Definitely,” John replies, and then his cell phone rings. When he glances at the phone, he sees McKay’s name. “Hang on, I have to take this. McKay, what’s up?”

 

“Where are you?” Rodney demands. “I got to the hotel, and you’re not here.”

 

John frowns. “I didn’t think you were coming until next weekend.”

 

“I wasn’t, but Woolsey said the senators wanted me early,” Rodney replies. “Jennifer decided to spend some extra time with her parents. So, where are you?”

 

John has no idea what to tell him. He doesn’t want to give up any of his time with Tony, but if Rodney’s going to be testifying this week, he might have time to sneak away and maybe grab lunch or something.

 

And he’s really not sure how Tony and Rodney are going to get along.

 

“I’m spending the weekend with a friend,” John says slowly. “I’ll be at the hotel tomorrow evening.”

 

“Wait, is this the same friend you were with last weekend?” Rodney asks suspiciously.

 

John heaves a purely internal sigh. “Yeah, it is. We have thirty years to catch up on, and I didn’t think anybody else was going to be around. It beats sitting around the hotel alone all day.”

 

Tony waves to get his attention and whispers, “Do you want to meet him for dinner?”

 

John doesn’t know that he _does_ , but they’re supposed to eat dinner with Gibbs tomorrow, and he doesn’t want to raise suspicions.

 

Not that Rodney _would_ get suspicious. He’s compared John to Captain Kirk in the past, and John had avoided pointing out that the women typically came on to _him_ , not the other way around. John isn’t exactly promiscuous.

 

“You want to meet us for dinner?” John asks.

 

“I wouldn’t want to intrude,” Rodney says stiffly, and John knows his feelings are a little hurt.

 

John grimaces. “It’s not an intrusion. I’d like you to meet him.”

 

“I have been curious as to what you were like as a kid,” Rodney replies. “You’ve met Jeanie, so you already know all of my secrets.”

 

“I’ll text you the time and address,” John says. “See you soon, McKay.”

 

Tony’s giving him a weird look. “Is this okay?”

 

“Considering that I was hoping to spend the night on the couch with you? It’s not ideal,” John says. “But McKay might start to wonder if we don’t, and I don’t mind, really. He’s probably going to ask questions about why I’m not spending the night at the hotel, though.”

 

Tony shrugs. “So, we’ll have plans for first thing in the morning. No big deal.”

 

“Just so you know, McKay is something of an acquired taste,” John warns him. “He’s one of my best friends, but even he admits that he’s petty, arrogant, and bad with people.”

 

Tony laughs. “John, I work with ‘the second b is for bastard’ Gibbs. I think I can handle it.”

 

“We’ll see,” John replies, and wonders just how big of a clusterfuck this is going to be.

 

~~~~~

 

In truth, Tony isn’t sure what to expect out of Rodney McKay. He works with McGee, so he’s familiar with the vagaries of geeks, but the little John has said indicates that McKay might be in a different league.

 

Turns out, he’s not wrong about that.

 

When Tony asks what kind of restaurant to go to, John replies, “Somewhere they’ll take McKay’s citrus allergy seriously.

 

There’s a decent burger joint near the hotel, which doesn’t do a lot with lemon if Tony remembers correctly, and that’s where they end up going.

 

McKay bustles in a few minutes after they’ve found a booth, wearing a pair of baggy cargo pants and a t-shirt that proclaims “I have potential,” with a picture of a ramp. He’s a good-looking guy, with bright blue eyes and a wide slash of a mouth, and he lights up when he sees John.

 

“Sheppard!” he says, and then he doesn’t seem to know what to do after that, whether to try to shake hands or embrace, and so he just looks awkward.

 

“Hey, Rodney,” John replies with an amused smile that indicates McKay’s behavior is fairly typical, and he finds it endearing. He splits the difference by throwing a companionable arm around McKay’s shoulders briefly. “This is Tony DiNozzo, NCIS.”

 

“Nice to meet you,” McKay says, shaking Tony’s hand briefly. “How long have you and Sheppard known each other?”

 

Left unsaid is the “and why didn’t I know about you?” but Tony just says, “We spent summers together as kids, but we haven’t been in touch for the last thirty years.” He pauses and adds, “I had a wicked step-mother.”

 

It’s a glib explanation that doesn’t touch on the realities of Tony’s life, but it’s an easy shortcut, designed to short circuit invasive questions.

 

Turns out, Tony didn’t need to worry about that. While John is a master of misdirection, McKay is an open book. John asks a couple of questions about McKay’s time with his probably-future-in-laws, and he’s off, speaking animatedly about wine tastings, and the truly annoying lack of decent beer and food.

 

“Can you imagine?” McKay demands. “Jennifer’s parents are health nuts and Jeanie’s still on that tofu kick. Even when I did get my hands on red meat, I got disapproving looks and comments about how eating red meat increases the chances for colon cancer.”

 

Tony and John exchange amused looks, and Tony think it’s the first time he’s met someone who can outtalk him.

 

“I mean, I was forced to sneak out and get _McDonald’s_ ,” McKay exclaims, as though it’s a travesty of epic proportions. “This is the first decent burger I’ve had since we got—” He stops. “Wait, DiNozzo isn’t—”

 

“We were on a base at the ass end of nowhere,” John says. “That’s all he knows, and he’s good with that.”

 

McKay blinks. “Oh, well, okay. I guess that makes sense.” He pauses. “But what do you guys have to talk about?”

 

In another situation, Tony probably would have said, “Who says we do any talking?” but he knows better.

 

“Plenty,” John drawls. “For example, Tony doesn’t complain about me liking _Back to the Future._ ”

 

“You actually think the flux capacitor is a real thing!” McKay protests.

 

“It could be,” John argues, which then sets off an epic rant about the physics of time travel with John goading him occasionally.

 

In some ways, Tony doesn’t even need to be there, but he enjoys listening, and getting a little fuller picture of who John is now.

 

And apparently, John’s best friend is a guy who talks enough for the both of them, which makes a lot of sense now that Tony thinks about it.

 

“You’re coming back to the hotel, right?” McKay asks at the end of dinner.

 

John hesitates. “Ah, no, actually. Tony and I had plans bright and early tomorrow morning, so I’m going to take his couch.”

 

McKay frowns. “What are you guys going to do?”

 

Tony suddenly realizes that McKay would have absolutely no problem inviting himself along, and it’s in their best interests to prevent that if they’re going to have any time alone together.

 

“Antietem,” Tony says. “John promised to indulge my interest in the Civil War.”

 

“It’s fine,” John says airily. “McKay knows how much of a nerd I am, unlike your teammates.”

 

That makes McKay puff up a bit, probably because of the insinuation that he knows John better than Tony’s friends know him. “He gave himself away when he showed off his math skills.”

 

“I was always better at undercover work,” Tony says.

 

John snorts. “Is that what we’re calling it?”

 

“In my line of work, it’s better if people underestimate me,” Tony replies. “I’d like to keep it that way.”

 

Tony watches as McKay’s eyes flit between them, and he’s momentarily worried, but then McKay blurts out, “This is like that thing with you and Cameron Mitchell, isn’t it?”

 

Tony has no idea who this Mitchell guy is, but John freezes a bit—not enough to be really noticeable, but Tony’s been watching the interplay closely, and he sees that John’s response is just a little forced.

 

Then John slouches just a little bit more, and says, “Yeah, it’s exactly like that.”

 

McKay rolls his eyes. “Well, at least _this_ friend didn’t threaten me with a lemon.”

 

And that’s the end of that.

 

“What did he mean about it being like the thing with you and Mitchell?” Tony asks as they head back to his apartment.

 

John shrugs. “Mitchell is another pilot. We had a short mission together, and we hit it off, although McKay has no idea how _well_ we hit it off.”

 

“Is he really that oblivious?” Tony asks.

 

“He’s called me Captain Kirk,” John replies. “I don’t think he’s even entertained the notion that I might be gay.”

 

Tony is quiet for a moment. “That’s the guy you’re in love with, huh?”

 

“Straight as an arrow,” John says mournfully. “We got drunk one night, and I asked.”

 

“You don’t think he was lying to you?” Tony counters. “He does work with the military, and DADT is a thing.”

 

John shakes his head. “No, he might lie about his feelings for me, but he wasn’t lying about being straight.  Besides, if he were even a little bit bi, I think he’d have figured out how I feel a long time ago.”

 

Tony pauses. “You know, for the record, this boat we’re on sucks. There’s no live entertainment, the food is terrible, and the next stop is too far away.”

 

John looks at him, and it takes a moment for the metaphor to sink in, and then he laughs. “Yeah, but you can’t beat the company.”

 

“Thank god for that,” Tony says fervently.

 

~~~~~

 

John is grateful for Tony’s quick lie the following morning, because it means he can sleep in and wake to Tony’s solid bulk, to brushing their teeth side by side before exchanging slow, lazy kisses.

 

They actually do go to Antietam, because it’s a nice drive, and the weather is gorgeous, and no one who’s there knows them. They aren’t so bold to hold hands, but they let their fingers brush casually, and their shoulders bump.

 

He and Tony grab lunch at a taco stand, eating in quick bites, and then head back to Tony’s place for an afternoon of recreation, and then dinner with Gibbs, who seems a little more relaxed after a free weekend.

 

“How many more days of testimony you got, Sheppard?” Gibbs asks over cowboy steaks and red potatoes.

 

John shrugs. “Hell if I know. Probably a couple, and then I’ll be on call until or unless they want me back in there.”

 

“And your team is trickling in,” Gibbs points out.

 

John doesn’t risk a glance at Tony. “Yeah, that’s probably going to make it difficult for me to get away.”

 

“With our luck, we’ll catch a big case and I won’t see you for days,” Tony points out. “We’ll figure it out.”

 

Gibbs glances at John. “I don’t need to tell you to be careful.”

 

“No, you don’t,” John replies. “My friends can be trusted, but unless they abolish DADT, that would be an easy way to get rid of me fast.”

 

In truth, while John wants to trust Rodney, one ill-timed comment about the repressive American military system that would boot out a perfectly good pilot because of who he chose to sleep with, and the brass could easily put two and two together and come up with four.

 

Teyla and Ronon are closed off unless they’re with people they trust, whereas Rodney wears his heart and his opinions on his sleeve. That’s not a bad thing, not unless those opinions could be the reason John gets outed.

 

It doesn’t take a genius to look at John’s failed marriage, his lack of serious relationships since, even his tight relationship with those he hadn’t been able to rescue in Afghanistan, particularly Holland, to realize John isn’t as straight as he’s been pretending to be all these years.

 

And he can’t afford to let that knowledge get out.

 

“Better they not have to lie for you,” Tony says, unexpectedly astute. “Especially when we’re talking anybody they might try to pressure. Secrets stay secret if fewer people know about them.”

 

There are already too many people who know in John’s opinion, but at least Tony has always known, and Gibbs has had a week to notify John’s superiors and hasn’t.

 

Unless he’d said something to O’Neill.

 

“You don’t know Jack O’Neill, do you?” John asks him.

 

Gibbs shrugs. “By reputation only. He’s your commanding officer?”

 

“Ultimately,” John admits. “It was just something he said to me the other day.”

 

“I doubt he knows anything,” Gibbs replies. “And I wouldn’t have known, even when I showed up at DiNozzo’s place, had it not been the guilty expression on your face.”

 

“I really thought I had a better poker face than that,” John mutters.

 

“To most, you probably do,” Gibbs admits. “I’m just that good.”

 

John can’t argue with that. “Thanks for not saying anything.”

 

“What would it serve?” Gibbs asks, and John knows the question is mostly rhetorical. “You got any other plans?”

 

John shrugs. “I might see my brother and his family if he’s amenable. He lives in the area.”

 

“I’d like to go with him,” Tony adds. “I knew Dave back when.”

 

Gibbs nods. “Assuming we don’t catch another case, just let me know when.”

 

John knows that might be more than he can hope for, but maybe Dave would be flexible, or maybe he wouldn’t be available at all.

 

As they’re leaving that night, Tony says, “With our luck, things are probably going to heat up, but I do want to go with you to see Dave. It’s the least I can do.”

 

John frowns. “What do you mean? I’m the one who owes you.”

 

“I mean, if I can help you reconnect, and that’s something you want, you’re my friend, and someone I care about,” Tony supplies.

 

John thinks about Tony’s words, about what Tony isn’t saying, that he wishes someone would’ve helped him the first time, when he’d been back for his dad’s funeral. “I’d like that, I think.”

 

“Just let me know when, and I’ll try to arrange it,” Tony says.

 

Privately, John thinks that going without Tony is unlikely, but he can set something up and then hope for the best.

 

It’s not the worst mission plan he’s had, if he’s honest.

 

Tony drops him by the hotel with a regretful smile. “Sorry I can’t spend the night.”

 

“Me too,” John replies. “But if I know Rodney, he’ll probably be camped out in my room.”

 

“Talk to you soon,” Tony promises. “If things get too crazy, give me a call, and we’ll go out for a drink.”

 

“Sure thing,” John promises. “Thanks.”

 

He phones Dave from the lobby because if he doesn’t call now, he’ll probably chicken out, and he might end up regretting it. Plus, Dave is a busy guy, and he probably needs more of a heads up than just a few days.

 

John is a little disappointed to get Dave’s voicemail, but he tells himself that’s better, because then the ball is in Dave’s court. If Dave doesn’t care to see him, all he has to do is not return John’s phone call.

 

“Hey, it’s John,” he says, trying to inject some humor into his voice. “I’m back in town for some hearings, and you’ll never guess who I ran into—Tony DiNozzo. You remember him? Anyway, he said he’d like to see you, and I’d like to see you while I’m here, too. Maybe we can reconnect. I should have some down time coming, so let me know.”

 

He hangs up because he doesn’t know what else to say, and then realizes that he hadn’t left a number where he can be reached. He’s about ready to call back, but he called from his cell phone, and most phones have caller ID these days, so Dave should have the number.

 

And if he doesn’t, maybe it’s for the best.

 

He heads up to his room, and he’s not surprised to see Rodney sitting on his bed. “I don’t remember inviting you in.”

 

“Hello to you, too,” Rodney replies sourly. “I’ve barely seen you! It’s like you’re dating someone.”

 

That shot hits a little too close to home, and John decides to strike back. “No, it’s like I’m hanging out with my buddy when you’re off with your girlfriend. Or have you popped the question yet?”

 

Hurt flashes across Rodney’s face. “Sorry. I just—I know I was spending time with Jennifer, but I thought we could hang out. That’s why I came to DC early.”

 

Now John just feels like a heel, and he has no idea how to respond.

 

“I met Tony shortly after my mom died,” John offers finally, sitting down next to Rodney. “We were inseparable for the two summers we spent in the Hamptons together.”

 

“So, what happened?” Rodney asks. “Because you’ve never talked about him.”

 

“The thing that happened could have kept me out of the Air Force if Tony hadn’t covered for me,” John says, going out on a limb, deciding to trust him. “And it still could.”

 

Rodney blinks. “Oh. Uh. Really?” He squeaks a little bit on that last word.

 

“I could get discharged for that, McKay.”

 

“I’m not—I _wouldn’t_ ,” Rodney insists. “I mean, I think those rules are archaic and stupid but—Tony DiNozzo? He barely said anything!”

 

John just lifts an eyebrow. “He’s a cop. The whole point is to get the other person to talk.”

 

Rodney huffs. “Point taken. Are you happy?”

 

“Yeah,” John says. “When we were kids, it didn’t end well, you know? There was some unfinished business, and now we’re better than I had any hope of being.”

 

Rodney’s mouth does a complicated twist, and he says, “I didn’t know.”

 

“That’s kind of the whole point of ‘don’t ask, don’t tell,’ McKay,” John points out. “You can’t ask and I don’t tell.”

 

“Does anybody else know?” Rodney asks, and John can hear the vulnerability in the question, that John would tell someone else and not him.

 

On that, at least, John can put his mind at ease. “Tony knows because he was the first guy I kissed, and his boss walked in on Sunday morning when it was pretty obvious what we were up to. So, yeah, you’re the first person I’ve ever actually come out to, other than Tony.”

 

Rodney’s chest puffs out a bit at that. “I wouldn’t betray that trust,” he assures John. “I know how much it means to you to be on Atlantis, and I hope the regulations get less stupid soon.”

 

John slings an arm around Rodney’s shoulders. “Me too, but I appreciate you keeping my secret until then.”

 

Rodney’s grin is crooked and endearing. “What secret? I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

 

And that’s one of the reasons that John’s crush on Rodney, however ill advised, is still going strong.

 

“Did you like him?” John asks.

 

Rodney shrugs. “I don’t know. It’s not like he gave me much to go on. I just assumed he didn’t have much between his ears.”

 

“He _is_ a federal agent,” John says in a conciliatory manner. “He’s trained to get people to talk, and it’s better if people underestimate him.”

 

Rodney nods. “I’ll be on the lookout next time. And I won’t get in your way.” Rodney glances at John, and says, “I want you to be happy.”

 

“He’s not coming back to Atlantis with us,” John feels the need to point out.

 

“Then enjoy what you can while you can,” Rodney says. “You looked happy with him.”

 

John hadn’t realized he’d been so transparent, but he says, “Thanks.”

 

“I don’t want to fuck things up for you,” Rodney adds. “If you need me to clear out, or cover for you…”

 

“I’m good,” John replies. “But thanks.”

 

And he feels a little lighter for Rodney knowing, and for his acceptance. It’s one less thing to worry about.

 

Given their conversation, John’s hopeful that Rodney will even manage to keep things under wraps.

 

~~~~~

 

They catch a major case, as they usually do, but at least he’d had his weekend with John before they get busy. The thing with Franks takes a few days, and Tony’s too busy to do more than send a couple of text messages just to check in.

 

John gets a bit of a break from the Senate hearings, apparently, because McKay is in town to answer questions, and he sends Tony pictures of him shopping for clothing, mostly black jeans and black t-shirts, and Tony itches to be with him, to steer him in a direction that isn’t basic black, but instead he texts, “You need a fashion guru.”

 

“Spend most days in uniform, and it’s not like my SO cares what I look like,” comes the response.

 

Feeling daring, Tony replies, “Not in or out of uniform, it’s true.”

 

“;-),” comes the response.

 

Tony isn’t so stupid to risk John’s career by putting anything more risqué in writing, but he wishes he could see John and tell him exactly what he wants to do to him.

 

But he’s too tired to even attempt phone sex, and so he sends John a text that says, “Long day, talk to you later.”

 

After the Franks case, though, there’s the case of the North Korean spy, and they’re running here and there once again. When that case wraps up, he texts John to say, “Very tired, going home now.”

 

“Can I join you?” John replies.

 

“If you want to sleep,” Tony texts back.

 

“Fifteen minutes.”

 

“Takes me at least that long to get home.” Tony tucks his phone away and heads for his car, pausing as Gibbs calls out to him. “Yeah, boss?”

 

“You have the next two days off, DiNozzo,” Gibbs replies. “Enjoy your time with your buddy.”

 

Tony nods. “Thanks, boss.”

 

“I always knew how limited my time was,” Gibbs says unexpectedly. “And I wanted to spend as much time as I could with the people I cared about.”

 

Tony’s always touched when Gibbs shares anything about his life prior to NCIS, and he says, “Thanks.”

 

“Enjoy your time, Tony,” Gibbs replies. “I know the type. He’s going back out in the field as soon as he can.”

 

Tony glances down and says, “So do I, Jethro. I’ve always known that it’s temporary.”

 

John is on his couch when Tony enters his apartment, wearing a pair of his new black jeans and a green t-shirt that brings out the color of his eyes. “Hey,” John says. “Dave finally called me back. He wants to meet for lunch the day after tomorrow, but it’s cool if you can’t go.”

 

“I have the day off,” Tony replies. “Is he going to bring his family?”

 

“That’s the plan,” John replies. “Wife, kids, the whole deal. Fair warning, Dave already knows, and he’s prepared to keep his mouth shut.”

 

Tony blinks. “Okay, I’m exhausted, so I don’t know if that means he knows you’re gay, he knows about us, or something else altogether.”

 

“Both,” John says with a crooked smile. “Apparently, we sucked at hiding it when we were kids. He said he drew the logical conclusion when I said we wanted to meet up with him and his family.”

 

Tony laughs. “Well, I guess we can be grateful that there aren’t a lot of people who knew us when we were kids.”

 

“I guess so,” John says. “Come here. You look exhausted.”

 

Tony slumps next to him. “You have no idea.”

 

“So, tough couple of cases?”

 

“Assassins, mainly.” Tony makes a face. “Two cases in a row with assassins. What the fuck is even up with that?”

 

John slings an arm across Tony’s shoulders and pulls him in close, pressing a kiss to Tony’s forehead. “Maybe there’s something in the water.”

 

“You seem more relaxed,” Tony notes, closing his eyes.

 

“McKay knows,” John admits. “I told him.”

 

Tony opens his eyes. “Big deal.”

 

“Very.”

 

“If I were a woman, I’d probably ask how that made you feel,” Tony says, closing his eyes again.

 

“I’m glad he knows,” John replies. “Mind if I leave the TV on?”

 

Tony hasn’t even been paying attention to what’s on the screen, and he says, “Not if you don’t mind if I fall asleep.”

 

“Go for it,” John replies, amusement in his voice. “I’ll wake you up in a bit to go to bed.”

 

Tony has never really felt comfortable falling asleep on a bedmate, too afraid that he’d stifle them, but John’s lean form is strong, if whipcord thin. He has an arm around Tony, his fingers threading through Tony’s hair, and Tony’s out like a light.

 

When he wakes later, he’s disoriented, and there’s a patch of drool on John’s t-shirt. John is snoring lightly, and Tony smiles and stirs, his growling stomach reminding him that he’d missed dinner.

 

He rolls off the couch and sticks his head in the fridge, finding nothing but a carton of expired milk, some old Chinese, and a couple of slices of pizza from the last time John had been over.

 

It’s well after midnight, and Tony doesn’t want to go anywhere, so he pulls a box of cereal out of the cupboard and grabs a handful.

 

“What time’s it?” John mutters.

 

“Close to one am,” Tony replies. “You hungry?”

 

John yawns. “Nah, I had a burger on the way over here. I’m good. I think we can probably find something.”

 

“Too tired,” Tony admits. “This is good.” He glances at the damp spot on John’s shirt. “Sorry.”

 

“I don’t mind,” John replies briefly. “It’s nice.”

 

“Yeah, it is,” Tony says. “In case I wasn’t clear earlier, I have the next two days off. What about you?”

 

John hitches a shoulder. “I’m close to being done. They might call me back, but they’ve moved on to McKay now, and he’ll keep them busy for a while.”

 

“I can imagine,” Tony says with a smirk. “He could probably talk circles around them all for weeks.”

 

“At least until he broke down and started calling all of them morons,” John agrees. “You want to go to bed?”

 

Tony hesitates. “I think I’ve got my second wind now if you’re up for something other than sleep.”

 

John steps forward, puts his hands on Tony’s hips, and then grinds against him. “What do you think?”

 

Tony undoes his fly and does the same for John, shoving their underwear down just enough to wrap a hand around both their dicks. It’s fast and dirty, but it’s good because John kisses him deeply, and the connection thrums between them.

 

He wants to preserve this moment forever, because he and John connect on a level that he’d thought was impossible after Jeanne. But with Jeanne he’d been himself and not all at the same time. With John, he’s only ever himself. There’s nothing _to_ hide, not from him.

 

Granted, Tony is kind of in the same boat as he’d been with Jeanne, forced to hide their relationship when there’s at least a part of him that wishes he could shout it from the rooftops.

 

Then again, Tony’s also the guy that John is risking his career for, so he’s not about to complain.

 

John comes first, and he pulls back slightly to jack Tony off, catching most of the semen in his hand and rinsing it off in the sink. Tony hadn’t been quite so dexterous, and he’s definitely going to have to wash these pants, but he feels good.

 

“Hey, come here,” John says, and pulls Tony in close. “You okay?”

 

Tony breathes him in, smelling sex and sweat and John, and he says, “Yeah, I’m good.”

 

He’s choosing not to think about what will happen to him when John leaves again, as he inevitably will.

 

~~~~~

 

John has never felt as though he was leaving much behind on Earth. When he’d first been offered the opportunity, it had been a matter of wondering whether he wouldn’t be better off in retirement, and if he’d be going from the frying pan into the fire.

 

He had been estranged from his family as soon as he’d left for the Air Force, his divorce from Nancy had long been final, and his career—if he’d stayed in—was in the crapper.

 

In the end, a flip of the coin decided his fate, and John doesn’t regret his decision.

 

Not until now, anyway.

 

There’s no question that John will be going back to Atlantis if he’s allowed to go, and if he doesn’t go back, he has no idea what he’ll do with his life.

 

But he has no idea how he can leave Tony; what was supposed to be a bit of fun while back on Earth has turned into something else.

 

There’s a part of him that wants to sneak out a piece of Ancient tech, to see if it responds to Tony, because that would be the best way to bring Tony to Atlantis—if he’d be willing to go.

 

John’s pretty sure that Tony is as attached to his team and his home as John is to his.

 

He’s got two options: he can end things with Tony now, or he can enjoy it while he’s here.

 

John already knows what his choice is going to be.

 

Tony emerges from the shower, one towel around his waist and another slung over his shoulders. “Hey, what time do we need to leave?”

 

“About twenty minutes,” John replies, lounging back on Tony’s bed.

 

“You going to dress up?”

 

“Hadn’t planned on it,” John says, feeling loose and relaxed from the blowjob Tony had just given him.

 

Tony pauses in front of his closet. “Is Dave going to be dressed up?”

 

“He said it was a casual restaurant, so who knows?” John replies. “He is rich.”

 

Tony grabs a pair of designer jeans and a long-sleeved t-shirt that looks expensive, the sort of casual clothing that means he’ll fit right in with Dave’s sort of people. He looks good, and John blatantly stares at his ass, because he can, at least within the confines of Tony’s apartment.

 

Tony’s grin when he glances over his shoulder suggests that he knows exactly what John is looking at. “Like what you see?”

 

“You could say that,” John replies. “Thanks for doing this.”

 

Tony shrugs. “It’s not a big deal. You need backup, and if I can make things easier for you, I will.” He leans in and kisses John with an open mouth and a wicked tongue. “And just think what’s waiting for you on the other side.”

 

“That’s definitely something to look forward to,” John replies.

 

The restaurant is in Richmond, a bustling café with an upscale menu that still has a few options for kids. John spots Dave immediately when they enter; he’s sitting with his wife, Tamara, a pretty redhead that John had only met in passing at their dad’s wake, who’s holding an infant in pink. The little boy with them is about four, and he’d been smaller the last time John had seen him.

 

“Once more into the breach,” Tony murmurs and lets their shoulders brush.

 

The last time John had seen Dave, they’d made a start at mending fences, but they still don’t have much in common, and communication since then was sporadic.

 

“John, glad you could make it,” Dave says formally, standing and holding out a hand, and then pulling John into a brief hug. “You remember my wife, Tamara.”

 

“Great to see you again,” John says, shaking her hand. “I don’t think I’ve met the little one, though.”

 

“This is Sarah,” Tamara replies.

 

John blinks, a little surprised. That had been their mother’s name. “Nice to meet you, Sarah,” holding out a finger for her to grab, which she does with surprising strength.

 

“And you remember Miles, too,” Dave says, putting a hand on top of his son’s head.

 

“Sure,” John replies. “How’s it going, big guy?”

 

Miles hides his face against Dave’s leg, too shy to respond.

 

“And you remember Tony,” John says.

 

“Sure I do,” Dave replies.

 

Tony shakes his hand and offers his most charming grin. “Good to see you again, Dave. You’re a lot bigger than the last time.”

 

“I’d hope so,” Dave says with a grin. “I was pretty scrawny for twelve.”

 

“Thirteen,” Tony counters. “And you were.”

 

“Let’s sit down,” Tamara says. “John, would you like to hold your niece?”

 

John is grateful that he’s had some experience with Torren John so that infants no longer terrify him. “Sure.”

 

Sarah fusses a bit in John’s arms, but then settles, blinking up at him with wide hazel eyes—his mother’s eyes.

 

“She’s beautiful,” Tony says, leaning over John’s shoulder. “How old is she?”

 

“Seven months,” Tamara replies.

 

The conversation mainly centers on the kids and Dave’s business. Dave knows that John is in town for top-secret hearings, and maybe he’s told his wife as much, because she doesn’t ask any questions.

 

Miles warms up over the course of lunch, and asks, “What do you do, Unca John?”

 

“I fly planes,” John replies. “For the Air Force.”

 

Miles’ eyes go wide. “Really?”

 

“Really,” John replies. “Although I’m usually flying planes really far away.”

 

“Can I fly in a plane with you?” Miles asks with the guilelessness that only a child could display.

 

Tamara frowns. “Miles David, we’ve talked about this. You can’t just invite yourself places!”

 

Miles’ face falls, and John winces, not knowing what to say, or whether he should even try to intervene. “You know,” John begins. “All of my planes are in a place that’s really far from here, but maybe one of these days, we can go up together. When I’m in town, anyway. We’ll have to make sure your parents are okay with it, though.”

 

Dave shoots John a look, but he says, “Tell you what, Miles. When you’re six, and your uncle is in town, you can go flying.”

 

John makes a mental note that he needs to make sure he’s in town at some point when Miles turns six, because he doesn’t want to disappoint his nephew when Miles is looking at John like that. “It’s a plan,” John says.

 

Miles’ expression is a little disappointed. “But I’m not going to be six for forever!”

 

“One year and two months,” Tamara says with a smile, smoothing Miles’ hair. “But I think we have to give your uncle time to come up with a plane.”

 

Miles nods. “Okay, Unca John. I can wait.”

 

“I’m glad to hear that,” John replies. “Because I’m looking forward to it, buddy.”

 

Miles beams at him, and John grins back helplessly, and he knows that going back to Atlantis is going to be harder this time for more reasons than just Tony.

 

John bounces Sarah in his arms, and then their food comes, and Tamara puts Sarah in a high chair and hands her a plastic ring.

 

The meal itself is good, and Tony asks Dave a question about schools, and that gets the conversation going again. John finishes his burger, and Sarah starts fussing while Tamara is still eating. “You mind?” he asks.

 

“Go ahead,” she replies with a smile.

 

John picks Sarah up and puts her on his lap, tickling her stomach a bit to make her giggle, and she lets out a deep belly laugh.

 

“You’re really good with her,” Dave comments.

 

John hitches a shoulder. “My teammate, Teyla, has a son. I’ve had some experience with babies.”

 

Tony leans in and holds out a finger, which Sarah grabs with a grin. “Unlike John, I have zero experience, but she’s a sweetheart.”

 

“Thank you,” Tamara replies with a dimpled smile. “We like to think so.”

 

“Hey, I don’t know what you guys have planned for the afternoon, but do you want to come back to our house for a beer?” Dave asks. “I’d like to spend some time with you before you have to leave.”

 

John glances at Tony, who shrugs. “That would be great,” John says.

 

When they get back to Dave’s place, Tamara announces that it’s naptime, and Miles doesn’t protest as much as he demands that John read him five stories. “Two,” John barters.

 

“Three,” Miles counters.

 

John grins. “Two and a half.”

 

“You can’t read half a story!” Miles protests.

 

“Two,” Tamara insists, but she’s smiling. “Uncle John can read you two stories, and then you have to nap.”

 

“What if I’m not tired?” Miles asks slyly.

 

“Close your eyes for at least five minutes, and if you’re not tired, you can come back down,” Tamara says. “I’m going to go put Sarah down.”

 

John reads a story about a train, which he doesn’t really understand but Miles loves, and then he starts a story about a tree. He’s three words in when Miles passes out, but John reads another few pages before he sneaks out of the room.

 

He heads back down to the living room, and then pauses just outside, listening to Tony and his brother talk.

 

“You were always the nicest to me out of all of John’s friends,” Dave is saying. “You didn’t seem to mind me hanging around.”

 

“I never had any siblings, at least that I know of,” Tony says. “And John was—is—important to me.”

 

Dave is quite for a moment. “I have to say, I was surprised when John said you two had reconnected. I got the feeling that things ended badly.”

 

“Your dad walked in on us kissing,” Tony says bluntly. “But there were no hard feelings on my part, or on John’s.”

 

“What he isn’t saying is that he’s saved my life twice over,” John says, stepping into the room. “The first time when he lied to our dad, and the second when he stopped some goons from kicking me to death.”

 

“It was my pleasure,” Tony replies, and pats the couch next to him.

 

John isn’t out, but Dave knows, and it feels good to be open when he’s been hiding for so long. He sits next to Tony, whose arm stretches out behind him over the back.

 

“I always wondered how you could hide,” Dave admits. “I knew when we were kids, but when you joined the Air Force, I just didn’t get it. When you married Nancy, I thought maybe I was wrong, but—”

 

“Nancy and I were never right for each other,” John admits. “And not just because of the obvious. Besides, I wanted to fly more than anything else, even though Dad didn’t approve.”

 

Dave shakes his head. “Mom would have been able to talk him around, you know. Dad would say it had to be one way, Mom would smile and nod, and then we’d do things her way somehow. Half the time, Dad would think it was his idea.”

 

John smiles. “She was great at that. God, she’d come up with something, and then she’d make you think it was the best idea ever.”

 

“Remember when she got us to build snow forts, and then wage a snowball fight?” Dave asks. “She kept switching sides, depending on who she thought was losing.”

 

John laughs. “And then Dad came out, and he joined your side while Mom helped me.”

 

He remembers his mom throwing a snowball at his dad, laughing hysterically, so hard she could barely stand. She’d been healthy and beautiful, and just a few months later, she’d been diagnosed.

 

It’s the last real memory John has of his mom where she’d been healthy and happy. He often thinks that his mom had been the one that held them together, and he wonders how their lives might have been different had his mom still been around.

 

“Your mom sounds great,” Tony says, sounding almost wistful.

 

“She really was,” Dave says. “When she died, the heart just went out of us.”

 

John thinks that about sums it up. “You have a couple of great kids, Dave.”

 

Dave hesitates. “I didn’t want to say anything in front of Miles, but please don’t disappoint him, John.”

 

“I wouldn’t,” John says immediately. “I know I haven’t been around much, but I wouldn’t do that to him. I know I’m stationed far away, but I’d still like to be a part of his life, and Sarah’s as much as I can be.”

 

Dave nods, a relieved smile crossing his face. “I want that, too. I know you’re not usually in town, but I’d like Miles and Sarah to know their uncle.”

 

“Thanks,” John says, and he feels like they’ve taken a step in the right direction.

 

They leave Dave’s place in the late afternoon, before the kids wake from their naps, and John tries not to think about how their time is running out. Declassification is on hold for now, and it’s looking more and more likely that Atlantis will be going back to Pegasus, probably within the next few weeks.

 

He doesn’t have much time with Dave, and probably even less time with Tony, given the demands of Tony’s job. It’s slipping away from him, and his emotions are incredibly mixed.

 

He never thought he’d be disappointed to be leaving Earth, but he is. He will be. He might be going home, but he’s leaving home behind, too.

 

Tony parks in front of his building, and glances over at John. “You okay?”

 

“What I do is important,” John says quietly. “I save lives. But I took this posting because I didn’t think I had anything to leave behind.”

 

“And now you do,” Tony replies.

 

“You, Dave, his family,” John confirms.

 

Tony stares out the windshield at his building. “You want me to check in on them while you’re away?”

 

John hesitates, and then he says, “I want to say yes, but I think that might be asking too much.”

 

“It’s not too much if I’m offering,” Tony says. “I like your brother and his family. I’m here, and you won’t be, and I’m saying I don’t mind.”

 

“Yeah,” John says, his voice hoarse. “I’d like that.”

 

“I’ll keep you informed then,” Tony says. “Regular updates. How much longer do you think you’ll be here?”

 

John is quiet. “Not long enough,” he finally says.

 

“Then I guess we’d better make the most of our time,” Tony replies.

 

“I want you to fuck me,” John says.

 

A ghost of a smile crosses Tony’s face. “That can be arranged.”

 

The bedroom is dark, and Tony doesn’t bother with a light, grabbing the supplies while John strips off his clothing. Tony drops the lube and condoms on the bed and pulls off his own shirt, letting it drop onto the floor.

 

John’s going to miss this, miss being touched. He won’t be able to risk having sex on Atlantis, can’t risk being found out, and so he’ll have to make do with his hand again.

 

It’s nothing new, but he’s had a glimpse of what it might be like to be part of a relationship, one that works, and he wants that with an intensity that surprises him.

 

They don’t speak, their fierce kiss saying more than either of them has words for, hands roaming over bare skin. Tony presses John back on the bed and begins to suck him off and fuck him open with his fingers.

 

Maybe Tony doesn’t have a lot of experience with guys, but he knows how to make a partner happy, and John grunts as Tony finds his prostate, pleasure washing through him.

 

Tony responds by sucking harder, bringing John close to the edge, and then backing off. “Good?”

 

“I’m good,” John gasps. “Don’t stop.”

 

“Not planning on it,” Tony replies, although he doesn’t go back to sucking John’s dick, focusing instead on hitting John’s prostate with every thrust of his fingers.

 

“Oh, god,” John mutters. “I’m ready, I’m ready.”

 

Tony scissors his fingers. “Just a few more seconds.”

 

“No, really, I’m good to go,” John protests. “Come on, Tony. I want to feel you.”

 

Tony pulls out his fingers and rolls on a condom, coating it with lube and then pushing into John slowly so that he felt every inch. There’s some burning, a bit of pain, but then Tony alters the angle slightly and it’s pure pleasure.

 

It’s fast and it feels amazing, and John knows that he’ll at least have the memory of this back on Atlantis.

 

Tony jacks him off, and John doesn’t need much before he’s coming all over Tony’s hand, going boneless on the mattress as Tony’s hips stutter and he comes. He rolls off John immediately, removing the condom and tying it off, and then resting his forehead on John’s bare shoulder.

 

“Okay?” Tony asks.

 

“I’m good,” John replies, knowing that he’s going to need to get cleaned up eventually, but in no hurry to move. “You?”

 

Tony runs a hand through John’s hair. “Me? I’m golden. Just enjoying the moment.”

 

“Thanks for going with me today,” John says. “It meant a lot to have you there.”

 

“Say the word,” Tony replies. “Any time.”

 

John interlaced their fingers. “Thanks for making this trip home _feel_ like home.”

 

And Tony presses a kiss to the back of John’s hand, and they just enjoy the moment in silence.

 

~~~~~

 

Tony feels the time running out, and he hates it, because he can almost taste what his life would be like if he had John with him full time. Even with his demanding work schedule, and John’s job, he can picture what it would be like to have a partner to come home to at the end of the day.

 

A partner, kids—either their own or borrowed—someone who knows about his job, who knows _him_ , and is there in spite of all of that.

 

But John is going back to his top-secret posting, and Tony isn’t leaving the MCRT, so it’s Jeanne all over again.

 

Well, it’s Jeanne without the hard feelings. When he and John part ways, they’ll both know the score, and they’ll have some good memories to keep them company.

 

Tony won’t call it closure, but he and John were able to pick things up where they left off, and maybe someday in the future, the same will be true.

 

John has another day of testimony, and Tony is trying to squeeze as much time with John as he can manage, but they’ve caught another case. Around 6, Tony checks the BOLO and sees there haven’t been any hits.

 

“Boss,” Tony says, stopping next to Gibbs’ desk. “You mind if I duck out for dinner?”

 

Gibbs glances at the clock. “Sheppard should be done with his testimony by now. Yeah, go. I’ll call you if we catch a break.”

 

Tony checks his weapon, deciding that he’d probably better take it with him in case he gets called to a scene. He grabs his wallet and phone, and then takes off.

 

Behind him, he hears Ziva say, “You’d think they were dating for all the time they spend together.”

 

“They can’t be dating,” Tim protests. “They’re just friends.”

 

The elevator doors close behind him, and he hopes that Gibbs shuts that shit down, because he’s not going to be the reason that John gets discharged, even if he wishes he could keep John with him.

 

As soon as he’s in the parking garage, Tony calls John. “I’ve got an hour, maybe two. You free for dinner?”

 

John hesitates. “I don’t know. Do you mind having dinner with a general?”

 

Judging by John’s tone, the general is right there with him, and from the few bits and pieces John has let slip, he figures it has to be General O’Neill. “Not if it means I get to have dinner with you, too.”

 

“Good answer,” John replies warmly. “I think you two will get along. I’ll text you the address.”

 

They’re apparently having dinner at a steakhouse that’s popular with the Pentagon crowd. Tony has been there a few times, and he knows it’s a place with well-aged steaks, scotch, and an extensive wine list.

 

The maître d’ meets him at the front. “One for dinner, or will you be meeting others?”

 

“They should be here already, actually,” Tony replies. “Lieutenant Colonel John Sheppard and General O’Neill?”

 

“This way, sir,” comes the reply, and Tony falters just a bit when they approach the table. It’s not just John and a man in an Air Force general’s uniform, but a blonde woman, also in uniform.

 

“Hey,” John says, getting to his feet. “Tony, this is General Jack O’Neill and Colonel Samantha Carter. NCIS Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo.”

 

Tony recovers quickly, and shakes both their hands. “Pleasure. Call me Tony.”

 

“I have to say, it was a relief to find out that John had a friend in town,” Colonel Carter says. “Senate hearings are bad enough when you’re stuck alone in a hotel room, no matter how nice.”

 

“It’s been great for me, too,” Tony says. “John’s my oldest friend, and it’s been great to reconnect, Colonel Carter.”

 

“Call me Sam,” she invites.

 

“Jack,” General O’Neill echoes. “Frankly, I was expecting to scrape Sheppard here off the ceiling more than once with the hearings. I suppose I have you to thank for the fact that he’s kept his cool in the face of some really stupid questions.”

 

Tony shrugs. “John has been there for me through some tough cases. It was good timing on both our parts, I guess.”

 

“John says you two met when you were teenagers?” Sam asks. “Somehow, I can’t imagine that.”

 

“Oddly enough, John was pretty much the same at sixteen as he is now,” Tony says. “Laconic, intent on flying, and loyal as the day is long.”

 

He catches the look on John’s face. It’s fleeting, but he knows that John _still_ feels bad about what happened with his dad, but it had been Tony’s choice. And John had been there for him during that last bad case.

 

“Tony’s saved my bacon twice,” John says, leaning back in his chair with an insouciance that Tony can tell he doesn’t feel. “He’s a good guy to have in your corner.”

 

“So I’ve heard,” O’Neill comments. “I asked around about you, DiNozzo. If you ever get tired of being a federal agent, give me a call.”

 

Tony glances at John, whose face is carefully neutral. “I’ll keep that offer in mind, sir, although I like my job, and I have a great team.”

 

“Gibbs is a legend,” O’Neill says. “Even I’ve heard about some of his exploits.”

 

Tony isn’t quite sure where O’Neill is going with that. “He’s been a great mentor.”

 

“You’ve stuck with him longer than anybody else has,” O’Neill states.

 

“I guess we work well together,” Tony responds. He catches Carter elbowing O’Neill, and he suddenly realizes that they’re together, which makes this feel like a double date.

 

And suddenly, John’s discomfort is completely understandable.

 

“Ease up, Jack,” Carter orders. “So, Tony, tell me, have you had any interesting cases lately?”

 

“Well, there was the one we had where a girl used liquid nitrogen to poison her step-father in order to gain access to a sizeable trust fund,” Tony begins.

 

He spins the story to be as entertaining as possible, deflecting attention from John, and from their relationship. O’Neill doesn’t strike him as the type to go on a witch-hunt, but Tony isn’t going to take any chances.

 

From that story, he moves on to another, and while he knows he’s probably being a little too talkative, no one seems to mind.

 

He’s in the middle of a story where he ended up buried in garbage when his phone rings. “Sorry, I have to take this. We were in the middle of a case.”

 

Tony ducks into the men’s room to answer his phone. “Yeah, boss.”

 

“We got a break in the case,” Gibbs says. “You done with dinner?”

 

“Just about,” Tony replies. “But I can take off now.”

 

“McGee will text you the address,” Gibbs replies. “You can meet him there.”

 

Gibbs hangs up without saying goodbye, and Tony stows his phone, turning to see John standing there. “Hey,” he says. “I have to go.”

 

“Figured,” John replies. “Look, thanks for tonight. I appreciate you showing up.”

 

“It wasn’t too much?” Tony asks.

 

John laughs. “No, it was fine. You were great. Very entertaining, and I didn’t feel like a third wheel.”

 

“So, I was right, they _are_ together,” Tony says.

 

“Off and on, from what I’ve been able to gather,” John confirms. “You mind if I stay at your place tonight? Keller is in town, so McKay is busy.”

 

“I’ll probably be late,” Tony warns him. “Maybe really late.”

 

John shrugs. “I can live with that. I still want to see you as much as I can.”

 

Tony ducks his head as the bathroom door swings open, swallowing all the things he wants to say, that he ought to say.

 

“See you later, then,” Tony replies.

 

“Be careful out there,” John says.

 

And that’s where they leave it; that’s where they have to leave it, since anything other than their friendship has to remain in the shadows.

 

In a way, Tony thinks, it might be better for John to go back to his posting. As intertwined as their lives have become in such a short time, Tony doesn’t think they could keep up the deception forever.

 

They’ll just have to enjoy what little time they have left.

 

~~~~~

 

John has known it’s only a matter of time before his entire team is in town. Teyla and Ronon had been given leave to take a tour of the US, although he knows a team from the SGC is shadowing them to ensure an intergalactic incident doesn’t occur.

 

He might be looking forward to seeing them, but he also knows that their presence indicates his time on Earth is drawing to a close.

 

Teyla and Ronon each have a day of hearings, and John spends both days with the remaining members of his team, including Keller, knowing that he needs to get over Rodney dating her.

 

She’s a competent doctor, and although he still harbors a bit of resentment over the parasite that nearly destroyed McKay’s brain, he doesn’t have grounds for complaint. Rodney wants to ask her to marry him, and he’s talking about picking out a ring while they’re still on Earth, and John doesn’t really have a choice but to accept their relationship.

 

The second night they’re all in town, after Teyla has testified, Tony calls him. “Hey, I’ve got the night off,” he says. “You free?”

 

“I’m having dinner with my team,” John replies. “But I’d like it if you joined us.”

 

There’s a pause, and then Tony says, “Sure, just tell me where.”

 

“Same burger place we took McKay,” John replies, and feels a pang. The hearings have wrapped up, and he doesn’t think it will take long for a decision to come down. The last time he’d spoken to General O’Neill, Atlantis going back to Pegasus without declassification seemed the most likely outcome.

 

He’s not sure how he feels about that. John believes Atlantis belongs in—and _to_ —Pegasus—but he thinks that he might prefer it if Tony understood why—why John wants to go back, why it’s necessary, why he can’t be in contact the way others stationed abroad but still on Earth could.

 

“What time?” Tony asks.

 

“We’re here now,” John admits. “I’ll save you a seat.”

 

He feels a moment of resentment when he sees McKay’s hand curl around Keller’s in an open display of affection that he can’t have. Even if his entire team knew, they’re in DC, and he can’t chance it. He’s risked too much already.

 

But it means that when Tony arrives and offers him a warm smile, John can’t stand and kiss him in greeting, and he’s too afraid of what might show on his face if he attempts a hug or any other physical contact. “Tony, Teyla and Ronon. This is Tony DiNozzo.”

 

If Tony notices that John’s introduction is just a little off, he doesn’t show it. “Pleasure to meet you both,” Tony says, shaking both their hands.

 

John lets McKay introduce Keller, and if there’s a bit of tightness around Tony’s mouth when McKay proudly announces she’s a medical doctor, he doesn’t think anybody else notices.

 

In Keller’s company, McKay checks himself slightly, and Teyla asks Tony what he does, and then gently pries out additional information, such as what he and John have been doing. Tony mostly talks about playing basketball and watching movies and going to historical sites in a way that paints them as casual friends and nothing more.

 

They’re still sipping their beers when Keller announces that she and Rodney have an early day planned and should be going. John resolutely does _not_ think about the fact that it’s unlikely they’re planning an early bedtime.

 

“How have you been, John?” Teyla asks when they’ve gone.

 

John glances at Ronon, who has been largely silent over the course of the evening. “Good,” he says. “I’ve seen my brother a couple of times, but I’ve mostly been catching up with Tony.”

 

Teyla doesn’t call him out on the fact that he’s never mentioned Tony before. Instead, she says, “I would be most interested in hearing how you met, and what brought you back together.”

 

John glances at Tony in a wordless plea, and Tony launches into the story. It’s strange to hear it from Tony’s perspective, the tale one of a never-ending search for a like-minded soul to spend the summer with, and finding John, and an instantly blooming friendship.

 

His perspective isn’t inaccurate, but it’s a softer, more amusing tale than John’s would be, filled as he’d been with grief at the time, ready to latch onto anything that seemed solid.

 

John suspects that few people who didn’t know him well would describe Tony as solid, but he has a slightly different perspective.

 

“And then my dad divorced the step-mom with the place in the Hamptons, and it was all over,” Tony says, glossing over what actually happened. “It was just my luck that I happened upon John getting mugged when he first got into town and was able to stage a very heroic rescue.”

 

John forces himself to snort. “ _Very_ heroic. He got to shout ‘federal agent’ and everything.

 

He wants to sound sarcastic, and maybe he does, but his gaze catches Tony, and he wonders if he has any poker face left at all because he feels the heat.

 

“It’s very lucky that you two met again,” Teyla says after a pause.

 

Ronon grunts. “Or fate. Sometimes two people are meant to protect each other.” He pauses, and then, just when John thinks he’s about to say more, he closes his mouth tightly.

 

“Just so,” Teyla agrees.

 

John squirms. “Yeah, I guess.”

 

“We should go out,” Tony says brightly, and John wonders if Tony also feels their time drawing to a close. “I can call Abby. She’s been on my case to meet you, John.”

 

“Yeah, sure,” John replies, helpless to do anything else.

 

“Great,” Tony says. “I’ll give her a call. She’ll know the perfect place.”

 

When he leaves to make his phone call, Teyla leans in close. “Rodney told us.”

 

John closes his eyes. “He said he wouldn’t.”

 

“He told us because we can _keep_ your secret,” Teyla replies. “We can protect you.”

 

“I like him,” Ronon says suddenly. “He’d have made a good runner.”

 

John has no idea what Ronon had seen in Tony to make him think as much, but he doesn’t ask. “Thanks.”

 

“We will help you bear your burden, John,” Teyla murmurs. “As you’ve helped us bear ours in the past.”

 

“Okay, Abby’s going to join us at the club,” Tony announces upon his return. “I can drive if that works.”

 

“I believe that might be for the best,” Teyla replies serenely.

 

Tony pulls John aside on their way out the door, whispering urgently. “So, I think Abby knows. I don’t know _how_ she knows, but I’ve actually gone clubbing with her a time or two, so she might have picked something up. I just thought—”

 

“They know,” John admits.

 

Tony blinks. “Okay. Is that okay?”

 

“I think so,” John says. “They aren’t—they’re not quite in the same chain of command, and even if they were, they’re family.”

 

Tony smiles. “Okay, well, I guess we’ll be discreet but not _too_ discreet then.”

 

Abby isn’t quite what John expects, although to be fair, he’s pretty sure that _no one_ could predict Abby. When Tony introduces them outside the club, Abby squeals and gives him a hug. “I’m so jealous that Tim and Ziva got to meet you first!” she exclaims. “I couldn’t get out of my bowling night with the nuns, or I totally would have come to dinner!”

 

John blinks. “Nice to meet you?”

 

She gives a full-throated laugh. “Same here. I want to know everything about young Tony! Was he exactly the same?”

 

“Smart, driven, and loyal?” John asks. “Sure. Exactly the same.”

 

Abby beams at him, tucking her arm through John’s. “It’s so nice that Tony’s found someone who truly appreciates him.”

 

John shoots Tony an alarmed look, and Tony shrugs. “I told you. Abby knows things.”

 

“But I don’t reveal things, which is more important,” Abby insists. “So, who are your friends?”

 

She’s giving Ronon an appreciative once-over that John’s become really familiar with when out with him. “Ronon and Teyla, two of my teammates.”

 

“I hope you like dancing,” Abby says and pulls them inside.

 

When John glances around, he realizes that it’s a gay-friendly club, because there are couples and groups of every possible combination on the dance floor. John isn’t much of a dancer, or even much of a club-goer, but it’s a new experience for Ronon and Teyla, who get pulled onto the dance floor by Abby.

 

He and Tony stand by the bar, and Tony orders a beer for each of them. “Thanks for coming tonight,” Tony says. “I know it’s not really your speed.”

 

John shrugs. “No one is going to notice us here. Wasn’t that the point?”

 

“One night to be out?” Tony asks. “Yeah, that was the idea. What if your team hadn’t known about you?”

 

John watches as Ronon, Teyla and Abby dance together. “I’d have said that Abby picked the club, and I had no idea where we were going, which is the truth.”

 

“And we wouldn’t have danced together,” Tony says.

 

“What makes you think we’re going to dance together now?”

 

“I’m just waiting for a slow song.” Tony’s smile is bewitching, and John isn’t sure he could have refused, even if was concerned about being out.

 

John takes a long pull from his beer. “Well, in that case…”

 

The music slows down, and Tony quickly finishes his beer, holding out a hand for John to take. It feels illicit and scary, but John takes the leap.

 

They don’t have much time left, and John wants to make the most of it.

 

No one pays any attention, not even their friends, as they’re heading to the bar for a drink. Tony pulls John in close, looping his arms around John’s neck, pressing their cheeks together.

 

For one moment in time, John feels normal, like maybe he can have this relationship with Tony, even if it’s only fleeting.

 

Tony leans in close. “Please don’t take this the wrong way, and I won’t ever say this again, and I know all about duty, but I don’t want you to go.”

 

John clutches him tightly. “There’s a part of me that doesn’t want to go.”

 

And nothing more needs to be said.

 

~~~~~

 

Tony is well aware what that night out with John and his team means. John will be shipping out soon, and their time together is incredibly limited.

 

He’s mildly comforted having met John’s team, knowing that they’ll have John’s back, the way his team has Tony’s.

 

And Tony knows what’s happened when John shows up at NCIS headquarters in his uniform, hat under his arm and a visitor’s badge clipped to his lapel.

 

Tony feels as though the floor has dropped out from under him, so he doesn’t notice anything different until Gibbs says, “Congratulations on the promotion, Colonel Sheppard.”

 

John grimaces. “Yeah, O’Neill just did it today.” He tosses a box to Tony. “Thought you might be willing to hang onto those for me. I don’t have any use for them where I’m going.”

 

Tony opens the box and sees three medals nestled side by side. He’s not familiar with Air Force decorations, but Gibbs leans over Tony’s shoulder and says, “Combat Action Medal, Air Force Cross, and a Silver Star.” He glances up at John. “Separate actions?”

 

John hitches a shoulder. “Yeah.”

 

“DiNozzo has just the place for them, I’m sure,” Gibbs comments.

 

Tony snaps the box closed and tucks it in his bottom drawer, next to Gibbs’ medals and commendations. “I do, actually.”

 

“Tony, get out of here,” Gibbs orders.

 

Tony feels the need to make a token protest. “The case—”

 

“You hard of hearing, DiNozzo?” Gibbs asks.

 

“No, boss,” Tony says, grabbing his gear.

 

They meet Ziva and McGee on their way out, and McGee asks, “Where are you going, Tony?”

 

“John is shipping out, and Gibbs let me go,” Tony replies. “We’re going to celebrate his promotion.”

 

“You were promoted?” Ziva asks. “Congratulations! Where will you be stationed?”

 

John smiles apologetically. “That’s classified, sorry.”

 

“Good luck, wherever it is you’re going,” McGee says. “Take care of yourself.”

 

“You too,” John replies. “And take care of Tony, huh?”

 

“Always,” Ziva promises.

 

When the elevator doors close, Tony says, “I suppose it would be too much to hope for to think that I might get to know where you’re stationed.”

 

“Sorry,” John replies. “It’s need to know only, and they’re pretty strict about it.”

 

“Hey, it’s cool,” Tony says immediately. “Secrets are secret for a reason.” He thinks a change of subject is in order. “How long do we have, and what’s the plan?”

 

John grimaces. “I leave the day after tomorrow, and I thought we’d have dinner with Dave tonight, if that’s all right.”

 

“It’s your time,” Tony replies. “And Dave’s kids are adorable.”

 

“They are, aren’t they?” John asks, sounding distracted.

 

Tony frowns. “Are you okay?”

 

“You need to know that the travel time is pretty long,” John says. “And I won’t be in touch until later. Mail and email both are pretty sporadic, so—”

 

Tony really wants to reach out and touch, but they don’t dare inside NCIS. “John. It’s okay. No expectations here. Just—promise me that if something happens, I’ll know.”

 

“I asked O’Neill to notify you personally,” John admits. “You have to promise the same.”

 

“Gibbs will let you know,” Tony says immediately. “Not that anything is going to happen to either of us.”

 

John smiles. “No, I’m sure.”

 

Tony glances at him. “You want to stop by my place to change?”

 

“Nah,” John says. “Dave said Miles would get a kick out of the uniform.”

 

“I certainly do,” Tony replies. “Should we head out now?”

 

John nods. “I told them I’d get there as soon as I could.”

 

“Do they know I’m coming?” Tony asks.

 

“Tamara said they’d have enough for you if you could make it, but I didn’t want to make any assumptions.” John offers an apologetic smile. “Gibbs is being really nice about this.”

 

Tony shrugs. “Gibbs has been deployed before. I think he understands, at least a little.”

 

“It’s appreciated,” John says. “You’ll tell him?”

 

“Sure,” Tony says. “Absolutely.”

 

“And you’ll check in on Dave occasionally?”

 

“I said I would,” Tony replies.

 

John rubs his eyes. “I’m sorry.”

 

“Don’t ever apologize,” Tony says fiercely. “Not for the last few weeks.”

 

They’re at his car now, staring at each other over the roof, and John asks, “Not even for leaving?”

 

“I knew the score,” Tony replies. “And we’re good. We always have been, John. We always will be.”

 

John finally nods. “Okay.”

 

Dinner with Dave’s family that night is a little somber, although they try to keep it light for the kids. Miles keeps demanding to know where John is going, and if he’ll send presents. “Is it as far as Africa?” he asks.

 

Some undefined emotion crosses John’s face, and he says, “Yeah, buddy. It’s pretty far.”

 

“Can I write you letters?” Miles wants to know.

 

“I’d love letters,” John says.

 

They stay until after the kids are in bed, and Tony entertains Tamara while John and Dave have a private word in Dave’s study. When they emerge, Dave’s eyes appear suspiciously damp, and John looks resolute and heartbroken all at once.

 

Tony immediately stands. “I guess that’s my cue,” he says. “It was good to see you again, Tamara.”

 

She smiles tremulously. “Don’t be a stranger, Tony.” She hugs John fiercely and whispers something in his ear that makes him smile. “And we’ll see you when you get leave.”

 

Her firm statement leaves no room for doubt, and John nods. “Of course.”

 

When they’re on the way back to Tony’s place, he asks, “Do you know when that will be? Is there a schedule or…”

 

John shakes his head. “They’re promising to rotate us out more frequently, but I don’t know.”

 

Tony swallows hard. “Okay. Well, then, I guess it will be a surprise and I love surprises.”

 

“Tony,” John says, and then stops.

 

Tony sighs. “I can’t pretend this isn’t hard, but I wouldn’t have given this up for anything, John. Not _anything_.”

 

John grabs his hand. “Okay.” He pauses. “Will you fuck me?”

 

“Yeah, sure,” Tony replies immediately. “Of course.”

 

“We’ll have to be careful,” John continues. “I have to—they’ll want to do a physical, and--.”

 

John grabs his hand. “Okay.” He pauses. “Will you fuck me?”

 

“Yeah, sure,” Tony replies immediately. “Of course.”

 

“We’ll have to be careful,” John continues. “I have to—they’ll want to do a physical, and--.”

 

Tony squeezes his hand. “I’ll be careful.”

 

The whole time as Tony’s prepping him, applying plenty of lube and taking his time, it feels like goodbye, and it’s so bittersweet it makes Tony’s heart ache.

 

When he slowly pushes into John, rubbing a soothing hand along his back, Tony tells himself that goodbyes don’t always last forever. They’d found each other again after decades apart, after all.

 

Tony comes first, and slides out, taking John in hand and jacking him off. He takes his time there, too, and even though he’s tired and badly wants sleep, he forces himself to stay awake.

 

“I’m not sure whether I’ll be able to get away tomorrow,” Tony admits.

 

John runs a hand through Tony’s hair. “Your job is just as important as mine. You do what you have to do, Tony.”

 

Tony wants to make all sorts of rash promises, but doesn’t dare. Instead, he says, “We should get cleaned up. I’ve learned the hard way that if I don’t get a shower before I fall asleep, I might not get one at all.”

 

They shower together, and fall into bed together, and Tony can almost forget that John is leaving right up until his phone rings.

 

Tony reaches out to grab it and says, “DiNozzo.”

 

“We caught a break in the case,” Gibbs says, almost gently. “I need you here, Tony.”

 

Tony sighs. “Be there as soon as I can.”

 

John had woken immediately when Tony’s phone rang, and he half sits. “You have to go?”

 

“No choice,” Tony replies. “Sorry.”

 

“You’re good at your job,” John says. “And you have a responsibility. It’s okay.”

 

Tony kisses him hard. “I’ll try to get away for dinner.”

 

But the day gets away from him as the case heats up, and when they’ve finally wrapped it up, it’s nearly 8 pm. Tony leaves without a word to anybody, figuring he’ll get his paperwork done tomorrow, intent on seeing John one more time before he has to leave.

 

He tries to call, but it goes straight to voicemail, and Tony has a sinking feeling. When he arrives at his apartment and unlocks the door, it’s empty, and Tony sees the note on the table in the entry.

 

_Thought it might be easier this way. So long, and thanks for all the fish._

 

It’s unsigned, but there’s only one person who could have written it, and Tony laughs. Trust John to quote Douglas Adams. It’s not quite a goodbye, and there are no promises attached, but Tony puts the note down and turns right back around to leave.

 

He can’t stay in his apartment tonight, and he knows of only one place he can go.

 

Gibbs’ door is open, as usual, and Tony heads straight for the basement. Gibbs is in jeans and a sweatshirt, and he glances up as Tony comes down the stairs. “Sheppard leave, then?”

 

“Ships out tomorrow,” Tony replies. “But he’s not answering his phone, and—well, he’s never liked goodbyes.”

 

Gibbs nods as Tony takes a seat on the bottom step. “Never liked them much myself. The one time I tried sneaking out, it didn’t go so well.”

 

“We haven’t made each other any promises,” Tony says. “I get it.”

 

Gibbs pours a couple of fingers of bourbon into a Mason jar and hands it to Tony, then goes back to his sanding. “Sheppard is a good man.”

 

That’s about the highest praise that Tony knows anybody could receive from Gibbs. “He is.”

 

“So are you,” Gibbs adds.

 

And Tony stares down into his bourbon and blinks rapidly, then he throws back his drink. “Funny how that doesn’t make me feel better right now.”

 

“It’s cold comfort,” Gibbs says quietly. “But it means something in the long run, Tony. Remember that.”

 

Tony lets out a breath and then asks, “Can I stay here tonight?”

 

Gibbs looks up, blue eyes meeting Tony’s with a steady gaze. “Of course.”

 

And Tony pours himself another drink, watching Gibbs sand, and promises himself that he’ll be just fine tomorrow.


End file.
